Why I Couldn’t Sleep Last Month

If you’re a regular reader, you’ll know that I didn’t sleep much in January. After an offer was made to me in December, I became restless. Night after night, I tossed and turned, because my brain just simply wouldn’t shut off. I would make decisions, second guess myself, and the cycle would continue. At the end of the month, I stood in front of a mirror, looked at the bags under my eyes and made an executive decision: I’m moving to Vancouver.

But you just moved to Toronto! Imagining family, friends, and readers saying this is what haunted me most, in making this decision. I realize I have only been here for six months, and that I’ve talked about living and working out here for as long as I can remember, but everything about this decision feels right. Better than right, I feel amazing. I’m energized every day and sleeping every night. I’m eating properly and taking better care of myself. I don’t know how all of that correlates from making one little (or, I guess big) decision, but I feel like a completely different person today than I did just a few weeks ago. And I love it.

Was it easy to decide to leave? Obviously not (hence the lack of sleep I got in January). I love so much about the City of Toronto and have made some incredible connections out here. On top of starting a new job and working with a great team, I have turned a number of online friendships into real ones and have been given the warmest of welcomes by everyone I’ve met. I have also been invited to a couple of fantastic events hosted by ING DIRECT Canada and my blog has had more press coverage in the last few months than I ever could have imagined. Nothing “bad” has happened that would make me want to go…

So, why am I leaving? I wish I could put the answer into a few words but there are three reasons. First, I’m not myself here. I could go on and on about what I mean by that but, for now, we’ll just leave it at that. Second, when I think about what I want my future to look like, it’s all in BC. And I’ve always known that; Toronto was never going to be more than a short stint. And when I was finally honest with myself about those first two reasons, I told my boss and a third reason presented itself: not only am I bringing my job with me to Vancouver, I’ll now be working on building a stronger presence for us on the West Coast.

Over the last few days, I’ve told everyone I know in Toronto, started looking at apartments in Vancouver and booked a one-way ticket back to BC. On March 26th, I’ll fly home to Victoria and, with any luck, have a place to move into over Easter weekend. If that doesn’t work, at least I’ll be able to take the ferry over to Vancouver on weekends and look at my options for May 1st (does anyone know of any good places!?).

While I’m ecstatic to move and start a new life in Vancouver, I know my time in Toronto is going to pass by too quickly, and there is so much I need and want to do before I leave. But it’s incredible to see how drastically different I feel, now that all of this is falling into place – in a good way. It turns out, making the decision to move wasn’t the hard part. I was mostly scared to tell everyone in my daily life… and all of you. But as I have learned yet again, if you don’t ask for something, the answer is always no. And the only way to know if you’ve made the right decision or not is to make a decision at all.

Friends in Toronto, we have 47 days to hang out and have some fun! But it’s not goodbye. I should be back in June and September (more on that later). Oh, and have I mentioned I don’t actually have that many friends in Vancouver? If you’re there and you’d like to meet up in the spring, let me know!

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