Why $100 Left Me Speechless

speechless

Hello, hello friends. I’m sorry for the radio silence. I’ve been travelling since the middle of the month, and finally got to spend a few days at home this week. I tried to sit down and write this post multiple times, but couldn’t find the right words or analogies to express what’s been on my mind… when that happens, I know it’s time to stop trying to be perfect and just get it all out.

Last Friday, I took the ferry over to the mainland so I could spend a few days with friends in Greater Vancouver. Sarah and I went for a hike in Port Moody, Krystal and I went to a PechaKucha event, and a big group of us went to the Florence + the Machine concert. The weekend was filled with good food, great conversations and so much laughter, but I felt distracted the entire time.

See, when I first arrived, Sarah handed me a stack of mail she picked up from the PO Box we share. In that stack were three cards – thank you cards, to be specific – from three of you. The words in each card were so thoughtful and sweet… I kept my cool when reading them, while sitting across the table from Sarah, but was truly moved to tears. And the contents inside one left me speechless:

It was a $100 cheque, made out to me.

My first thought was, “I can’t cash this.”  Seriously, what did I do to deserve it? I’ve done nothing. I write a blog and reply to comments and emails. That’s it. Sarah talked me down, however, and reminded me that it was intended to be a gift. I’ve since read the card over and over and let the words sink in: “…to people who have had a profound impact on my life. You are one of them.”

I’m not sharing that to gloat or be smug. When you’re deep in a project, like I am with this blog, it can honestly be difficult to see/feel the impact you could be having on others. The words we’ve exchanged in the comments and via email always touch me. But opening these cards and finding a cheque inside felt like someone shook me over and over, and said, “wake up! It’s time to do something good.”

I still haven’t figured out exactly what that “something good” is – and I think that’s why I had so much trouble writing this post. Sometimes, I think writers are convinced their words need to be perfect and polished, and include all the answers to the questions that may follow, before we are willing to put them out there for all eyes to see. I’m going to wave my white flag and say I don’t have all the answers yet!

But I know that cheque was the beginning of what’s next for me.

Since quitting my job in June, I’ve struggled to give this blog the attention and focus I want to. I thought trading my full-time job for part-time freelance work would magically free up lots of hours I could use to make all my ideas for this space come to life. Unfortunately, “I have so much work to do,” continues to be an excuse for why I haven’t been able to make time for it all.

Earlier this week, Anthony asked me what my long-term goal was: freelance work or BoaB. I’m always going to freelance, but I want to feel like this blog is actually helping people – not just documenting my personal journey. There are more free resources I want to create, social media campaigns I want to launch and topics I want to discuss. Despite enjoying “life with less”, I want to do more here.

I don’t know where I’m going to start yet… but I do know I need to put this gift into action. If there’s anything you think is missing here or in the blogging community, that might cost me a little bit of money to create, please feel free to share your ideas. I do have a couple ideas myself, but I’d love to create something you really want and that would truly help you.

And LB – I cannot thank you enough. Your gesture came with the reminder that I want to serve others, and your gift will allow me to do that. You have had a profound impact on my life. xoxo