My Miracle Bob and My Not-Always-So-Miraculous Marriage

Alternatively titled:

Why I’m NOT Starting a Hair Vlog on Youtube

Why You Shouldn’t Base Beliefs Solely on Experience

Women, Men Don’t Care About Your Hair


If you’ve ever lived in Switzerland even for a short time, you may’ve discovered there are ways to cut your own hair. The prices of having a professional do it somehow inspire one to find a creative alternative.

So what’s a creative girl to do to receive adequate inspiration so as not to botch such an undertaking? You geniuses probably know this, but youtube. I only recently discovered that youtube is THE place to go to get a smorgasbord of non-expert advice to non-expertly cut your own hair.

I’m not quite brave enough to get on a video and say this, but I really have to say, after watching so many, there were a few tips that I just had to learn the hard way. You know, “learning by doing” as they say.

Without further ado, here are my personal hairy, as in scary, hair tips.

  1. If you plan to cut your own hair, it’s best to wait until a Sunday morning before church. The added pressure creates a more beautiful result. Like a diamond, you know.
  2. If you plan to cut your own hair, don’t bother buying an actual comb. A hairbrush works awesome, I mean just AWESOME for parting and making clean lines.
  3. They always say you need special scissors, but the truth is, you don’t. Even if the only pair you own is really dole, if you keep squeezing, the hair will eventually cut.
  4. You also don’t need a hand mirror to be able to see how it looks in the back, because, well, what you can’t see, won’t bother you. And even if it does, just change your cellphone camera to the lower pixel-ed selfie mode which functions nicely, albeit not always accurately, as a mirror.
  5. And last but not least, don’t be the forever naive newlywed. Wait until your husband actually notices you cut your hair. He’ll notice almost right away and your little bit of patience will pay off in lots of compliments from him.

 

And there you have it

OK.

In all honesty, when I read back through those tips trying my best to be 100% objective and not just base facts on my experiences, I’ll admit, if you do exactly the opposite of all those tips you’re more likely to get the desired result. These tips should have been/ would be a recipe for disaster. Therefore, seeing as my current haircut is not actually as bad as a haircut I got once that I actually paid for, I’m calling it my miracle bob. As for whether or not you too should cut your hair and then “wait ’til your husband notices” or not? Here is my full discloser of how things really went down.

Both are real life scenarios:

Scenario One:

Me, the naive brand new bride: Honey, look I cut my own hair!

Honey: Wow, amazing! You’re so beautiful! The most gorgeous woman in the world! and talented too! I can’t believe you did it yourself, you look absolutely amazing.

Scenario Two:

Me on Sunday, the wife of 9 whole months:

*waits until he notices* … … … … *still waiting* … … … …

(then, eventually, after church was over, he looked up at me while still sitting in our pew and asked, “Oh, did you cut your hair?” to which I responded, “Oh, did you just wake up?!”) …

…Oops, Kay, REMEMBER THE LEMONADE…

To close, I’d like to issue an apology in advance to the sweet woman (hair professional) in Hungary who cut my hair last time I was there, and to whoever will be the one who will do it next time. Thanks to a hormonal imbalance or something of that nature, my hair was falling out making it almost necessary that I cut it as soon as possible. I’m so sorry and when I come to you, I will be wincing in your stylist chair until you tell me I haven’t ruined it forever. :S :S :S

Anyone else out there gone the youtube route? How did yours turn out? (You can even post a pic in the comment section if you have one handy!)

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