It ain’t easy being….fat

By now maybe you’ve seen the above video, and heard about Jennifer Livingston’s response to her weight bully. I embedded the video from Youtube above, and if you haven’t seen it I would urge you to check it out.

I applaud Jennifer for standing up to her bully. She delivered her response like a true professional – she could have been more angry, she could have cried – but she was a professional, all the way, and used this as a learning opportunity about bullying among children.

In my opinion, should she be even MORE of a role model to young girls (and boys), for overcoming society’s view of the “perfect woman” as slender to represent the majority of U.S. women in such a public role as a television anchor and reporter.

I also applaud her husband, a handsome, fellow anchor at the same station she works at who valiantly went to her defense when she received the offending email from a local man.

This whole thing has fired me up in a way that generally only happens once or twice a year. And here I am, standing on my soap box (my blog) and about to lay out my opinions and feelings. Because that’s how I deal with being fired up – I spend my lunch hour writing about it! LOL

If you’ve been a BeautyJudy follower for a while, you may remember I share my weight loss journey with readers in The Beauty Loser through weekly posts.

You know that I had so much success the first couple months I was doing Weight Watchers and losing weight last year about this time. But then earlier this year, after my gall bladder attack in December 2011 (and then surgery January 2012 to have it out), I struggled to find my mojo and eventually put The Beauty Loser back on hiatus until I could.

The truth is, I haven’t gotten my mojo back; in fact, yesterday I ate a Wendy’s small cheeseburger and French fries for lunch, and I just had cashews for breakfast with my coffee (gross, but I forgot breakfast and it was what I had in my drawer). Mike and I continue to be horrible about planning meals, and I never know how to eat during the day, because I hardly ever know how I’m going to eat at night. So I try to limit my food during the day and completely fail when I get home.

I haven’t been to a Weight Watchers meeting in three weeks.

Yes, I admit that I struggle because I do not regularly exercise and I make poor meal choices. I am also finding that it’s harder now than ever before to lose weight. I’m seven or eight years older than I was the last time I lost weight.

Despite the fact that I know my faults and my choices, and I mentally bully myself every day for it, I know I shouldn’t NOT love myself – or expect people to love me less – because of it. And I have to tell myself that, every. Single. Day. Sometimes, it’s not enough and I get home at the end of the day and I cry because I hate how uncomfortable I feel in my body and how much it actually, physically hurts sometimes. Painting my toes? My stomach/middle hurts when I bend down to paint my toes.

But, frankly, if you think I’m ugly because I’m “fat,” or you don’t want to associate with me because I’m “fat,” then I don’t really need that kind of poison in my life.

A person who’s overweight or obese already knows that they are “fat,” just like Jennifer pointed out. I don’t need your ignorance to point that out. I live with it. I see myself in mirrors ALL THE TIME. However, I choose to try and accept myself. I choose to try and love me, just the way I am.

I run a beauty blog. I put pictures of myself on the Internet. Before a post appears on BeautyJudy, know that I take TONS of pictures so I can try and eliminate my double chin. Or so you can’t see the wrinkles in my neck as much.

I blog about beauty and I try to see it in my face beyond the fat. You have no idea how much it takes to put those pictures up here, but I try to feel, deep down, that I am pretty, and I share those pictures because I want to share how I use certain products, and how those products help make me feel prettier (and frankly, arm swatches aren’t enough for me, I want to see how makeup is USED, too)

I am blessed that I’ve never received hateful comments on my blog. But trust me, I’ve received them in real life. I know there’s no context to these, but here’s some of the bullshit I’ve had to deal with:

  • Someone said to me, “You probably would find a husband if you lost some weight.”
  • In my 20s I made eye contact with a cute guy at a New Year’s event, and we smiled, and when the crowd parted and the guy looked at me up and down, he abruptly went the other way.
  • Someone told me I looked like I’d gained “400 lbs or something.”

You see, there’s no need to be like this.

I refuse to be defined by my weight. I want to be defined by how I treat others. I want to be defined by my talents. My weight should not – does not – factor into whether or not I’m a beautiful person.

Thanks, Jennifer, because not only did you stand up for yourself, and against weight bullies, but it felt like you were standing up for ALL of us who struggle with weight.

*steps off soap box*

Thanks for hearing me out, guys.