Hello Crazy. Come here often?

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Last Monday, I had the breast biopsy done. I expected it to be very painful but was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t! I am an absolute baby with needles so I wouldn’t look at anything going on during the procedure. I closed my eyes, blasted Adelle on my Ipad, and zoned off. I hardly felt the needle or anything else after. I was given instructions not to lift the kids for a few days- probably the hardest part next to waiting for the results. My mom took both kids overnight which made getting the biopsy worth every moment of  anxiety before and after this ordeal!

I rested in bed that entire day…ALONE! It felt amazing. In the back of my mind, I wondered what the outcome would be, and feared the phone call.

Tuesday late in the day, I received the call from the office that everything is OKAY! I was relieved of my menacing thoughts and fears two days early. The office had told me they would call Thursday so I was so thankful to be let off the hook sooner than anticipated. I feel so lucky, like I was given another chance at my life.

From this experience and all of the thoughts of “what if” that came along with it, I re-evaluated myself. During this self evaluation, it dawned upon me how uptight I have become! I have to teach myself how to relax and take life day by day…to not sweat the small stuff- TO RELAX!!!! Becoming a mom has magnified this part of me that has definitely come out in the past from time to time- but by no means defined me like I feel it does now.

Things that people do to relax has the opposite effect on me. Laying on the beach used to be my favorite pastime. Now, I just cant seem to lay there without a racing mind! I used to love taking long, hot baths.  Now- I last a good 4 minutes and those are forced! I try so hard…just to lye there. I cant do it. Its the most

un

relaxing place I can find myself- that is beside yoga class. I may as well shrink and be placed inside my own head because that’s exactly where I am throughout the entire class- if I last the entire class. I cant stop thinking! I envy those yoga people!

I’m not a sitting mom at the park. I can’t relax there either. I follow my kids around….always worried that if I don’t- something will happen that I could have prevented.

Even home- I’m never sitting for longer than 3 minutes. There is always something to be done. A meal to be made, a snack to be gotten, a drink to be refilled, a game to be played, a doll whose hair needs to be braided…the list is endless as you moms know. Relaxing just isn’t on it. Notice I didn’t even throw in the cleaning. That can be a post on its own!

Admitting that I am a little crazy- like any other problem, is the first step in remedying my “situation”.  As a mom of a four year old and a two year old, I don’t see much success in my future! I’m always thinking…always worrying. I project ahead too much.

Mothering is overwhelming. I  don’t want to let being overwhelmed consume me to the point where I’m not enjoying it. I know I have to start taking some 

me

time so I can enjoy the

we

time more.

The idea of not being well enough to take care of my family or do the things I enjoy to do, scared me. Life is so precious and it takes situations like this to be reminded of that- unfortunately. I want to live life to the fullest and truly enjoy it. You only get one shot…might as well live it up.

This is something I am going to remind myself of when the going gets tough. I want to make a change for myself, for my kids. I have to learn to relax and enjoy this one time deal I am so lucky enough to be living.

Help a sister out- what do you guys do to relax…body & mind?